What a relief it must be for you. Sounds as though a certain old man is due for a righteous beating!

Well yes indeed.

I would've posted the punchline one sooner but I was waiting til I got a few more responses.

As it turns out I just don't have the readership that I used to and got bored of waiting.

Have you read any of the other journals I wroted? My favourites are Beware: tree! and Conspiracy

Mainly because they're based on true stories

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The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone, somewhere, at sometime, said: "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

Yes, there was quite a significant time lapse between Journals!

I'll have to go through and read some of the others!

OK I'll wait here til you're done...

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The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone, somewhere, at sometime, said: "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

Tapping your foot and checking your watch yet?

Nope. No watch.

Two feet though. One at the base of each leg. They come in handy stopping my socks from just falling on the floor.

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The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone, somewhere, at sometime, said: "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

Gosh darnit! I was under the impression that you may have been hiding some super-awesome hooves in those shoes of yours! I was wrong. Next you'll be telling me that you aren't some sort of winged creature! Sadness.

Now why would I say anything as silly as that?

Have a penguin

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The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone, somewhere, at sometime, said: "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

Now I feel jilted. Why not three? I am *this* close to calling off the wedding. You must spoil me rotten. I thought this prerequisite was listed in the great book of Fraggle-dom?!